Living in the lifestyle while being on IMVU
Part One: An Introduction to the lifestyle
It’s not always easy to be a Mistress online on social networks such as IMVU as most people in the lifestyle online are only there due to that famous book/movie Fifty shades of Grey. The lifestyle was mostly disheartened by that movie due to the fact that it didn’t focus on the whole lifestyle, it only focused on the sexual aspects of it, glorifying it and making it more glamorous than it really is, instead of being true to the lifestyle and showing all of the components it was an over-sexualization of it, causing a wave of new Doms and Dommes, Masters and Mistresses to come out of the woodwork. In this article, we’ll take a deep look into the lifestyle, with each article giving you the readers more insight into the real lifestyle and helping you to understand it in full and hopefully show that it’s more complex than just putting some cuffs on your partner and spanking them. Be sure to keep an eye out for the next episode, Part two the history of BDSM
BDSM~ More than a lifestyle, the best investment one can make
I recently sat down with a submissive who had lost their Dominant due to issues beyond their control. We chatted about what happened and they stated: And it shows how much I've matured as a person and a submissive because years ago I'd stay. Just to not feel lonely, you know? Like I didn't know what I wanted. And what it meant to have that. And now I know what things I want, and I'll fight for them.
Many different subs learn in different ways, from those who learn better through reading, while others learn from hands-on experience. Running a Market online, I see all types of subs and Doms come through the doors, few of them stay in the room and come back to learn how the lifestyle can really change one's point of view and life in a positive manner. It's not an easy life to live thanks to the negative ways it's been handled in the mainstream media but to live one's life according to the basic principles laid out by BDSM, one can live a life full of self-actualization.
Let's begin at the beginning and look into the core beliefs of BDSM. There will always be the core values of trust, respect, honesty, and communication. Without these four values, we run the risk of losing ourselves in the world of kink. First of all, BDSM is based on trust. Whether it's entrusting your body to a sadist and trusting them not to push your past your pleasure/pain limit. Or being bound in tight rope bondage and suspended in the air, trusting that the person tying your knots knows what they are doing and won't let you fall. Sometimes it's simply the trust to hand over your control as a submissive and trust that your dominant will make the right decisions with your best interest at heart. Trust is such an important part of all aspects of BDSM because, without trust, we can't actually relax into our play, if you can't trust the person or people you are engaging with, you are too nervous and worried to enjoy what you're doing!
Respect is one of the biggest things people have to keep in mind in regards to BDSM. We must respect one another's limits, decisions, preferences, and lifestyle choices. Not only that, we have to have simple human respect for each other, no matter our roles. At the end of the day, no matter what role you take on, we are all still humans, still, people with feelings and we need to have respect for each other regardless of the rules and protocols involved in BDSM.
Although a submissive may hand over their control, it does not mean they hand over their right to be respected. Even when involved in play such as humiliation or degrading play, be it verbal or physical, a submissive is still to be respected. Their limits and choices are to be respected just as much as their person. In saying that, submissives are to show respect to their dominants as well. You are giving the dominant the respect of having higher power than you at that moment. Dominants have limits as well and those limits are to be respected. Just because you are submissive, doesn't give you the right to push a dominant to play outside of their own limits for your satisfaction.
Honesty with both yourself and the people involved in your BDSM journey is paramount. It is up to you, to be honest with your partners, whether that be one person, multiple people, different people, whatever the situation may be. You must be honest about your health, just as you would be with any sexual vanilla partner. This includes little details though, such as the fact that you have a bad knee and can't kneel for long periods of time or that you bruise very easily or your blood doesn't clot as quickly as others. These are all small little details to do with your health that you wouldn't think of in a non-kinky sexual encounter but are actually important factors when it comes to BDSM.
This ties straight into communication, our final core value. Having good communication skills enables you to be honest, develop trust, and show respect. You need to be able to have an open discussion with your partner and effectively communicate things such as your limits, your desires, the things you want to try. You should be able to sit down and communicate exactly how you'd like a scene to go and what you both expect from that scene. Communication also comes into play for more relationship-based BDSM when discussing things such as rules, protocols, and contracts. Both parties must be able to speak openly, honestly, and negotiate positively.
Overall, these four little fundamentals of BDSM all link in together. You need communication to be able to show respect. To show respect you must be honest and be honest in your discussions. Lastly, to build trust between partners you need to be able to communicate honestly whilst showing respect for each other as people, not just Dominants and submissives.
So, all in all, it helps one to become a better person.