HARLEY CUPID'S "SWEET TALK"

  Just when you think love is dead, and dried up like a year old Jack-O-Lantern, here comes Harley "ISaidisticI" Cupid with some advice and a little experience of her own to share with all you beautiful people. So grab a glass of wine, beer or soda. Curl up in your favorite lazy outfit and your favorite snuggle buddy, and take this adventure with me...

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  In this day of age in the life of dating. We all seek that special one, that soul mate. Or even just having fun, because we're young and not ready to settle down yet. But at the end of the day, we know that we can't keep "Having fun", that we will want to settle down sooner or later. And for you gals and gents that were having fun, can and will be discourage finding love if it doesn't work out. And of course, even the ones out there that are ready to settle down, can be discourage too. You might end up thinking something is wrong with you, like there is no one out there for you, ect.

  This isn't really the case. You simply have yet to find the right one for you, that will love you through all your faults, no matter what.  We may take blame, make it up in our heads and carry on not logically thinking that maybe, that one relationship didn't work because it's just not meant to be.

 

  Well, it could be that. It may even be because you did something wrong that caused the relationship to fail. Though at the end of the day doesn't make you undesirable. It simply means you should take notes and try aga

 

"Where did it go wrong!?" 

  Well, take a look back at your relationship, all your ups and downs. What was going on for that final straw to be drawn. Maybe it's something you kept repeating or maybe they got bored and just wanted out of that relationship. No one really knows, unless they got lucky and that partner actually gave you closure for the break up. Which sadly nowadays, is rare for anyone to actually communicate, which is the main key in having a successful relationship. I think we can agree on that.

 

  I also know, some of y'all are saying "But Harley, I did talk to my spouse and we still ended". Thus, you may think that you did, but did you really fully express yourself or beat around the bush? And if your answer is still yes. Well that means it might've only been one sided or the issues were simply beyond repair. You may be opening up and pouring your heart and soul into a relationship, when in all in reality, you were pouring yourself into a brick wall.

 

  Everyone knows that a relationship is supposed to be 50/50. And sometimes those huge bumps in the road could place the relationship at 60/40. In those times you need to decide for yourself if you want to take that extra fight and keep going. Then at the end, rack up all the rewards of fighting hard for that one you love, live happily ever after.

 

  Let's be honest with ourselves, we will always have fights/arguments with our spouses, and sometimes it's going to seem impossible.  However, you just need to use your best judgement. Are they wanting this relationship? Are they just depressed so their fight is lost? Or maybe they're new to a committed relationship and don't know how to "boyfriend/girlfriend" well. They could just need a patient guiding hand to help them along the way, and there isn't anything wrong with that.  Just pay attention to your spouse's actions, body language and how they respond. No need to keep beating a dead horse, when really the horse just needs water to keep moving.

 

  Now don't think that I forgot about all of you single folks out there. You might be sitting there, judging yourself, and swearing you're not good enough for someone.  Really, in the end, you just need to be good enough for yourself. There are plenty of people who are struggling with finding someone and some just place the blame on themselves. While others just know who and what they want and simply haven't found them yet. There is someone out there for everyone. Open yourself up and ask "what would it take for them to earn me".

 

Make that list y'all.
  Start checking them off when you're dating a potential life long partner. If you're speaking to someone now, listen to them. They may not be ready for a long term and just want to have fun. That doesn't mean it's you and that it's all your fault. It's something they've decided on their own before meeting you. You can't hold that against them or yourself.

 

  When you find that one person who peaks your interest, that "communication" key will need to be put to use. Listen to them and watch them. Figure out if they're seeking the same thing as you. And maybe get the hint if they have a timeline to their search. You don't want to get too excited for said person and just start pushing for a "ring" so to speak. This could result in scaring them away. Hell, you should take your time for you as well. You don't want the "Honeymoon" phase to be the main focus of your new found relationship.

 

  Also, keep in mind between first meeting the person vs after you're married, there can be a drastic change in behavior and/or personality all together. People can also act different in different relationship types. Friendship or couple, even in the beginning of the new relationship. You may not notice that you're a different person in all aspects of a relationship. You and that person will always be different at the start. So take your time, don't rush. Because after that "Honeymoon" phase is over and you become comfortable with that person. They may not be so appealing to you as they were when you first got together with them. And this is a common problem for a lot of people.

 

  In the beginning you may have a "heart to heart" conversation with them. Since you rushed into that relationship, you might be scared to break it off to spare feelings. Which will never work in the long run. If you can't open up to them and talk about it, you will end up resenting the relationship and the person you share it with. And resentment only leads to unhappiness and a lack of satisfaction in the relationship. This could result in a nasty break up and one more heartbreak to add to your list. All of which is pointless to have, when all you had to do was be real with them and to yourself. This will save a lot of heartbreak in the end. And you may lose a possible spouse but gain a good friend. 

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  Now, there are a few of us who are guilty of this and there's nothing wrong with it. We've all experienced it enough to just "shrug" it off and not let it affect the rest of our lives or define who we are as people. You've been in enough failed relationships and just tired of putting your all into them only to end up broken down and hurt at the end. So when someone comes into your life and is also willing to put their all into it, that may put you off rather than putting your all back into it. You may just enter this relationship with the mind frame of "They ain't gonna stay so why try".  And then where does that leave the new relationship?

 

  Most will crumble and be done with, just like you thought. When in reality, I'm sorry boo boo, but that was your fault. You can't expect something to work when you're already expecting it to fail. You may be one of those lucky ones who will find someone who actually loves that type of attitude. Showing them they won't be rushed into something serious and won't pressure them into something they're not sure of, is very likely to result into something beautiful and more meaningful.

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  You never know how a lot of relationships will start and end, or even how they will work. You just have to trust yourself and never blame yourself entirely for those failed relationships, or for not having someone at this moment in time. It takes two to make a relationship work. If you're Polyamorous, the same goes for everyone involved in that relationship. Remember, not all relationships are easy. You will always have to put effort in it. If you meet anyone who says their spouse and them don't fight and they're perfect, they're lying or the relationship will fail due to a lack of communication. Those relationships are the ones struggling the most, they're typically just too stubborn or proud to open up to each other. Silence is also never good in relationships, they're just ignorant. Whether you're in a relationship or searching for one, like the famous rapper "NF" says in one of his songs. "If you want love, you're gonna have to go through the pain". 

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  So to all my beautiful readers out there, don't give up on love, it's there waiting for you to find it. You just haven't found them yet. And to the ones that are in a relationship and feel like you're struggling, don't give up if there is still fight left in it.

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  This was another one of Harley "ISadisticI" Cupid's sweet talks, from my home to yours. Remember to love hard and strong. Never take anyone for granted and cherish the little moments.

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  I would like to thank ID3mentedI and MoonGoddessFyreLover for making this magazine possible and for giving us something to enjoy. I would also like to thank all of you readers for taking time out of your day and giving your time to the magazine. Without y'all we wouldn't be here.